Monday, February 18, 2013

Happy birthday Grandma!

February 18th. A day that I'll always remember. It's my dear grandma Faye's birthday. She passed away February 23, 1990 when I was just 10 years old. She was such an important person in my life and still is...I just know that she is my guardian angels and has helped to guide me through several sticky situations.

So my mom just called and told me the sweetest thing. I was 10 when grandma passed away and mom was only 28. My sisters were 3 and 4. So I am really the only grandchild that knew my grandma. So, as always, mom called me to see how I am doing today. Truly, grandma was on my mind as soon as I woke up today. I miss her so much. I can smell her straight up polyester shirts and feel the touch of her soft skin. Mom proceeded to tell me that she doesn't remember a single birthday since grandma passed that she and I haven't spoken and talked about her on her birthday. Mom said that every time she thinks of grandma, I am always connected to that thought. She said that it makes her feel better to talk to me on her mom's birthday. How incredibly sweet/awesome is that? I honestly never knew that my mom felt like that.

I often visit grandma's grave and I am looking forward to taking Sadie there this spring and having a picnic. You see, Sadie and I are lucky to be named after such a wonderful, beautiful, loving woman. I love my grandma so much, but am happy that she is my angel.

Oh, and mom told me that dad shaved her head. Sad face. But, I'll take a bald headed, tired mom over a nauseous, poopy one. We've been "lucky" with this chemo and it's side effects. Only 5 more rounds and then on to the next treatment. I was looking back, my mom has been living with stage IV breast cancer for almost a year. Step by step, we are looking to beat the odds!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Valentine's Day

I just had to write! My sweet momma just called to wish me, one of her sweeties as she said, a very happy Valentine's Day. It was the cutest little conversation we just had. She sounds STRONG and HAPPY! She tried to pull the, "if I only had a couple more days off chemo...." to which I shut her down :)

I am thankful today for having my mom call me. I am also saddened that I won't hear my dad. This is the first "holiday" that he won't give me his phone call. And that is a sad thing. But at least mom is doing really well. Makes my heart lift.

So, Happy Valentine's Day to all. I am looking forward to getting home and being mauled by my little children and also happy that Brian and I drove to Akron together today. It's so nice to be able to spend 2 hours alone with him....even if it's in the car!

Friday, February 8, 2013

Rolling around in my head....

are two things:

1. My mom's appointment yesterday went super well. We have to do three more rounds of chemo and them perhaps get her onto a chemo pill. In true mom fashion, she thinks she should be done NOW, but alas, doc put his foot down. She has some on and off hip and pelvic pain that the doc will check in 14 days if it still persists.

2. I *think* I had my first dream about dad. It was in the middle of a dream that I had about Brian cheating on me, so I'm not sure where my healthy and happy dad came from. I was so sad when I knew he had to leave, I kept waving and waving, not wanting him to go. I truly hope he comes to me again.

Actually there are three things...

3. I feel like I have to change the name of the blog. To something like "My mom has stupid breast cancer and my dad has died" or something catchy like that. Everything is just so intertwined right now. How do I separate them? Should I separate them? I feel supremely confused. The constant in my life right now is my love for my family and the unending exhaustion from this pregnancy. I mean, super-hero tiredness (if there is such a thing).

Yeah....kinda like that guy. I guess there is such a thing as super-hero tired. Who knew?

Let's end this post with GOOD and HAPPY things:

  • Brian and I are finalizing the last piece of our family this year - can't wait until 2.15 to see the little nut.
  • Mom is doing well.....super well on this chemo. Besides her super-hero tired, she is kicking butt.
  • My second job with Thirty-One Gifts is doing super well and I am having fun meeting lots and lots of awesome women.
  • In my dream dad said that he was on his way to heaven.
  • My sweets, Sadie and Colin, continue to make me smile and laugh and be extremely thankful everyday.
  • I have, hands down, better friends than anyone else....sorry to break the news to you. I am STILL getting cards and gifts. I am amazed at who I choose to surround myself with!
I feel a little better, don't you?