Frustrated.

So my mom went back to work on Monday of this week after being off for about four months. She was happy but hesitant to go back. She told me that she wasn't sure if she would have the skills anymore. She's been with the company for more than 20 years.....she has the skills.

So off to work she went on Monday. She's working half days this week and going to full days next week. Everything has been going smoothly until she calls my little sister today and says that her right leg keeps going numb and she can't walk. BUT DON'T TELL YOUR SISTERS. I just want you to know in case I have to have you pick me up from work because I can't drive.

WTF. Not tell your sisters. So of course my sister calls me, I call the doctor and find out that mom has already called him. In the notes it says that he has called her back, but the nurse isn't sure what he said or if they even talked. The nurse said that it was imperitive that mom speak with the doc, so if they haven't chatted, have her call him back.

I relay the info to sister, and she emails ME AND MY MOM with this:

Mom – can you call Dr. Greenfield? He wants to talk to you. You might have to go in today. I can pick you up from work if you need. And I told Jessie and Katie – because they need to know. We all care about you and want to know what’s going on!!

Love you!

---

Daughter -
I am at work but had to call the Dr,. because my right foot keeps going numb.  I will let you know if I need you. Please do not say anything to Katie or Jessie yet since it is probably just that I am so out of shape. Please reply to this email if you will be able to pick me up at work if needed.  I am waiting for the Dr,. to call.

Love you
Mom

This truly made my heart smile. My little sister standing up to my mom! So I guess we'll play the waiting game now and see what the numbness is all about. Just so very tired of my mom doing the whole divide and conquer thing. It's fucking annoying.

My thoughts on Boston and a few other things

I've never had a national tragedy hit as close as the events at the Boston marathon did yesterday. An extended family member was running and I called and texted everyone I could until I heard that she was alright. It was an awful hour or so, my mind was spinning out of control and I was shedding a few tears for the people who were directly impacted.

It just seems like every few months, we as a nation are brought to our knees. School shootings, movie theatre shootings, and now marathon bombings. What on earth are we coming to?

As I was pondering this, I wandered over to my friend's blog and this is a verse she had posted just a few days before:


Psalm 37:1 - 11

Amazing, right? The wicked will eventually be taken care of....but for right now we have to deal with the aftermath while they get away. One day, soon hopefully, we will see the faces and hear the names of those evil, wicked people. Until then, we must remain a strong nation and wrap our arms around the victims and those who are going to be traumatized by this for years to come.

It also pains me to think that this tragedy happened on my baby girl's fourth birthday. A day full of sunshine and sparkles for Sadie Faye while many were weeping. How can I have such a high high one moment and then sweep to such a low, low? At moments like this, I wish I were still on the Zoloft! Maybe it could help regulate all of my thoughts and feelings....but not to be with this little pumpkin growing in my belly. I just have to talk to people about how I feel and know that it is going to be alright. It is going to be alright. One more time.....it is going to be alright.

I have lots to write about my mom and dad....but for now, I just want to leave this as is. Thanks to my gal pal for posting such an amazing verse. I'm not a super religious person...but this really opened my eyes and is providing a bit a solace.

Just a note - slightly gross

Just needed to write this quick so that I don't forget........mom has a pretty severe bladder infection and has been peeing herself. Kinda hard to hear from your mom that she's pissing herself. But! It's better than last chemo when she was shitting herself.

I asked her how the oral chemo is doing and she has assured me that all of her lesions are flat. We'll see about that......

As I write this, I know that I have some readers who may be disturbed/saddened to hear this. Before I took this blog semi-public, I used to write my feelings and thoughts down without abandon. I wanted to do that today, to make a note for my future self. Instead, I hemmed and hawed over whether this was the right thing to do. I guess now that I am out, I have to realize that everyone can see this. Sorry if I've made you uncomfortable, but that is exactly what stage four MBC is. Un-motherfucking-comfortable. Blah.