Wednesday, October 31, 2012

We made it.....last day of October!

Breast cancer awareness month is going to be over in just a few short hours....are you aware? No, I mean, are you aware of breast cancer now? You aren't?! Let's give it another month! I can't wait to watch football again without the pink shoes, pink towels and pink ribbons.

Throughout this whole BC process, you can definitely see two camps. The camps with HOPE and SMILES and the camp that is just hoping to get through another freaking day. Another day of living, breathing, being with the ones you love. I am not trying to be cynical, I still smile and laugh everyday, but there is also fear laced in almost each of those smiles and laughs. I live almost every day thinking about when my mom is going to die. How awful is that?

I found myself talking to my aunt yesterday about visiting TN over Thanksgiving to see my dad. I told her that we would for sure be there, barring anything bad happening with mom. And then I heard myself say, "It's not like she is going to die before then, and hopefully not before Christmas either." I ACTUALLY SAID THAT. I kind of sickened myself. Who talks about their mom like that?! I didn't mean it in a mean way, I was stating the facts. I don't think my mom is going to die in the next 2 months. Now, the next year, maybe. Doesn't that suck? It is so weird to talk about someone's mortality like that. I mean, really weird.

Oh! My reminder just went off that my mom should have taken her last Xeloda today. Two rounds of oral chemo down!

As I leave you now, please join me in a happy dance that October is almost over!

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