Thursday, August 29, 2013

Hard to keep up...Part 1

the blog when everything is happening at lightening fast pace. So, I guess this is the update as I have it:

Monday, based on my work emails, it looks like I was here the whole day (it's awful that I simply cannot recall this information). The MOMENT I stepped outside of work, Katie called me crying saying that she had been calling around all day looking for home health care for mom, but that it was going to run us about $2,000 per week. I was on the phone with her for about the first half hour home and then on the phone with Hospice for the last half hour. It was determined that our family would meet with the social worker, Angelique, Wednesday to talk about our care options for mom.

Tuesday, again I worked all day, but went over to mom's directly after work. Katie told me that mom fell that day and I decided that I needed to go over there and see what was happening. As dad says, she didn't fall, she "buckled." Going down one freaking step into the family room. When I got to mom's, it was just awful. Dad is stressed to the hilt, mom looked like a sad, brittle woman. It almost hurts to look at her, I just don't know how her frame is so small. So very, very small.

She started to ask me something and it was quickly apparent that I could not hear her. Like, I had to put my ear next to her mouth to hear her. As the nurse later explained, mom is so weak that she can't get the air exerted past her vocal chords to really make a sound. I felt like I was treating her like Colin. When I don't understand him, I just shake my head and say "yes." So I did that once with mom and she asked why I wasn't answering the question. Then I really leaned in to find out that she was asking me how much longer they expect her to live like this. And my response was, for as long as you have a flicker of hope. What else was I supposed to say? I can't imagine living how she is living right now.

So, at one point, mom was sitting up on the couch and I was right next to her. All of the sudden, she places her fists on the couch and tries to push herself up. I then tried to get up to help her.....and had a huge, stabbing contraction/vagina pain. I was literally stuck. Dad sees what is happening and flips the fuck out. He starts screaming at me to GET HER. DON'T LET HER STAND. He runs over, pushes the coffee table out of the way and grabs on to mom who is standing by now. He just keeps yelling. I tried to tell him that I was having a contraction, but he was out of his goddamn mind. I know he was just worried, but man, it was overboard. Right in that second, I knew that I was going to be no help to mom. She may be dying, but she is a fast mama jamma. My mom does not want to be held down.

So, after a couple more yells from dad and some kisses to mom (she did stroke the back of my hair for a bit...her nails are a little long and it honestly felt really nice to have that touch interaction with her).

So that was Monday and Tuesday. I'll make a separate post now for Wednesday, I feel like this is getting to be a book!

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