Hard to keep up.....Part 2

So I go home Tuesday night, have a really good cry on my husband's shoulder and go to sleep. We are meeting with the social worker at 8 the next morning at mom's.

At 1:47 am, I sit straight up in my bed out of a dead sleep. Mom died. I just knew it. I checked my phone. No missed calls or messages. I lay back down, still knowing she's dead. I figure I'll wait a few minutes for everyone else to figure out she's dead. Pretty soon, I am back to sleep. Super fucked up.

So, I wake up, get to mom's at 8 and she was sleeping. I guess she got dad up at 3 am and they had been up since then. I brought dad some coffee and pretty soon Kasey, the social worker and mom's nurse were all there. It was the day to work out the calendar of caregivers.

It was actually nice to sit around the table with the team and to chat and learn about how Hospice works, what we should expect, what they can do to help us, etc. Instead of filling out the whole calendar, we decided that the family members that we've asked to help will all come over on Saturday and sign up for times. That way they can see the new layout of the home and get some tips on what to do for mom.

The new layout of the home? That would be a hospital bed, toilet and wheelchair in the family room. Yeah. We're there. It just make the most sense to have her in a bed rather than the couch. This is just so reminiscent of grandma Perkins to me. I remember her house and the hospital bed. And then I remember she died not too long after that. Not the most pleasant of all memories.

All of the medical equipment was being delivered yesterday, I am headed to mom's right after work. I am trying to get my mind right so that I am prepared when I go into the house - 1. for mom's appearance 2. for that damn hospital bed.

Oh, and in the mix of everything, I had to ask my two BFF's to be our witness on mom's will and POA. Having someone outside of the family see her paperwork just felt creepy to me. I mean, Anne and Sue don't care, but it was weird for me.

So, I am probably missing a lot, but those are the highlights. I just can't believe we are here. She has gone downhill so fucking fast. I feel so bad for her. It is crushing to see your mom like this....miserable, drugged up, out of it. It's crushing to see my dad being so crazy and out of control and freaked out. I can barely take it, but what the fuck choice do I have?