Thursday, August 22, 2013


Hospice has been called in for mom's care. Hospice. Let that soak in. I don't think it's even begun to soak in for's like it moisture on my skin that just won't seep in. Hospice.

At Tuesday's oncology appointment, Dr. G. walked into the room, gasped, and said "Oh my." That's all it took, I knew this treatment was over. To be honest, I knew it was over before we went, but it's still a kick in the guts.

Mom was so sick at the appointment. Down to 107, came into the office in a wheelchair, looking very frail and forlorn. Tired as hell, voice was scratchy and just looked overall miserable. It was very apparent that we needed interventions higher than the Clinic. The draining of the lung obviously did not do the trick, as a matter of fact, we found out that they LEFT a liter of fluid in her lung! A full liter. Unbelievable.

So, Dr. G. explained pallative care and we eased into the hospice conversation. I took the lead when he was done and said that that is the route we wanted to go. Everyone agreed. It was weird to be the person in control, "putting" my mom in Hospice. I wonder if that is a decision I will come to regret or rejoice in.

After that, the wheels were in motion. He explained that there is an appetite stimulant that mom  can get on and that Hospice can give us for free. In our minds and hopes, Hospice is a way for mom to get her strength back so that she can continue treatment. I want that to happen so, so bad.

Wednesday we met with the caseworker and today an assessment nurse came in. Tomorrow, her regular nurse will take over and she'll be in once per week, but we have access 24/7.

I've told some friends and co-workers and now I just want to talk to the people I want to talk about it. I feel myself withdrawing, but that's okay. This next month, it's going to be all about taking care of this baby, me and my mom. I need to get through the next 30 days, have this baby and then re-assess. Here's to hoping for a painless 30 days.

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