Monday, August 5, 2013


Today marks another PET scan day. Mom has been having trouble on this new chemo with constant vomiting, weight loss and just overall feeling terrible. There have been two times that she hasn't been able to receive the chemo because her platelets were so low. The doc is concerned about the cancer in the liver and it wouldn't be surprising to know that it has spread further.

Mom said to me last week that she may not want to continue treatment. I don't blame her. She's stage four, her time is limited, why feel like shit the entire time? What's the fucking point? I want my mom to be around just as badly as my whole family, but not at this expense.

Mom called me today on my way into work. She said that my dad was worried about me because I haven't really been talking to them or stopping over. I told her that at 33 weeks pregnant, I am constantly exhausted and super emotional right now. Then I started to cry. It was nice to have a conversation with my mom that wasn't totally about her. Sounds awful right? It was nice to have my mom concerned about me. It felt normal. God, we haven't had a conversation like that in forever. Of course, she gave me crappy advice, like always, but it was normal.

Maybe without chemo, we can be normal for a minute? The medicine isn't working, it just isn't. I don't need the results to come back to tell me that.

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