Thursday, January 31, 2013

A few days out...

and I am feeling numb...I guess that's the best word for it. Numb and exhausted. Yup, those two words fit me perfectly at this juncture.

Before I get too deep into dad, let me update you on mom's chemo today. As soon as I walked into the office, mom stood up and was bawling. As she gave me a big hug, she again apologized for not being able to make it to TN for the services. Really?! I told her not to cry and that I wouldn't have wanted her in a stinky old airport anyways with how compromised her immune system is right now. My mom and dad were always friends. They just didn't work out. My dad was my mom's biggest cancer cheerleader if you can understand that. They truly cared for one another. Simply beautiful.

Mom gained a pound, yet her energy level is at a 3-4 on the 1-10 scale. She is just so drained. Overall though, I thought she was in great spirits. I left at about noon to do some 31 stuff and to get my hair cut. She was just starting to get the chemo at that point. Happy dance since next week is her off week! Only one more round to go for this episode.

As for dad, I have taken two days off work for myself. Yep, I didn't do one ounce of housework today and I used some giftcards for dinner. Total laziness and I am completely okay with that. I probably will do the dishes tomorrow ;)

I took the time off to think about things, but honestly I am scared. Who wants to make themselves cry? Most times, I am afraid of my own thoughts and this time it truly scares me. I just want to turn my brain off. Do I have permission to do that?!

The outpouring of support is crazy. So many loved my dad.......his friends are reaching out to me, sending me gifts and notes. It's awesome. I mean, I know my dad had great friends, but now I really KNOW. He is sorely missed by his buddies and his little girl. It just hasn't quite sunk in yet.


  1. I give you permission to turn your brain off. Or to cry yours eyes out (you have the most beautiful cray, it's like your eyes just shine brighter with the tears. Or something).

    Take this time. Think about your Dad. Or don't. Mourn. Be happy. Be lazy. Or productive. Do what you need to do.

    Love you, girl.

  2. You're eyes DO get brighter :) Thanks girl!